They say that dreams come true. Mine do, but not in the way I want and never to order. There’s always a twist at the end, a sting in the tail. I like fairy tales, they warn of us of the life to come, of being careful of what you wish for.
I fell in love once and followed my dream. I pushed it and pulled it into my shape, my way. I broke every rule, tore up every contract and went where the love took me. Happy ever after, you ask? Oh no, a price was paid, and one morning, well lunchtime if I am correct and the police telling me the tale were painfully accurate. The point of all my dreams was gone, snapped out like he was never there.
I had wished for something so hard and to punish me fate gave me what I wanted for a few short years and then took it away. I don’t wish much these days. It’s dangerous. Sad little story, yes, but a warning that we only lease our dreams. Nothing lasts, nothing is forever, you grab what you can and run to the next square in a crazy wonderland sort of way. Now when I see something, when I sense love is waving from across the street, I tend to sit on my hands and wait.
I had a dream of coloured bird, beautiful and playful. She wanted to see her lover across the ocean. She was strong and she flew for days and landed safely. She thought she would see her love; she was so brave and strong. She looked around and saw only ice and snow. It was unexpected and being a bird of the tropics it was only a matter of few hours before the cold killed her. There, a sensible fairy tale that one. No happy ending. A tale to tell small children, scare the hell out of them, before they dare to dream of love.
I don’t need love really. I have food, I have warmth, and I have an apartment by the ocean. All these things are leased. They are contingent on so many factors. On a hot night, I watch the party across the street, a candle flickering on my table. A small light wavering in a very dark night that is just my heart longing to be free. To step silently over the edge and just be gone.
Most people at this point would call my therapist and ring the alarm bells. Not needed. I like walking on the edge of the cliff. It is after all a fairy tale, you get what you want and then you have to pay.